Thursday, March 28, 2013

exclusive rights

One of my friends recently posted the following status on a social networking site:

"Exclusivity isn't love. It's colonization."

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially coupled with a question on an online dating site that asks, "Do you have the right to forbid your significant other anything?"

As my own relationships are morphing and transforming I am left wondering what my deal breakers are and what freedoms are non-negotiable for me. The farther along I get on this journey the more I think that monogamy and exclusivity are not for me, and I don't think I'd be willing to compromise on that.

And, really, can you compromise? You're either exclusive/monogamous or you're not. Or, one party is in the dark. I suppose that's an option. And having traversed that road before, frankly, I'd rather not. I'm a big fan of openness and honesty.

But here's the bottom line: I don't like this idea of staking claim to someone, to having rights. I'm not planting a flag on my lover's heart. Conversely, my own heart has such a huge capacity and I don't have this narrow slot where someone can slip their key in and then it's locked up tight, impervious to feelings from any other parties.

I don't think love puts restrictions, barriers or boundaries on people or relationships. I believe love is expansive, exponential, and non-exclusive. I believe love opens doors; it doesn't close them.

I may explore this theme more in Mountains Climbed. Although I am sure of Point A and Point B, the path between the two is still nebulous. But don't be surprised if the sentiments expressed herein make an appearance along the way.


  1. In terms of your books, it might be interesting to see the prequel to Mountains Wanted to see how Sarah got to where she is.

  2. Interesting idea. :) I am considering a book 3 but it will focus on
    Abby. We will see how I feel after that one :)