Sunday, March 3, 2013

here's a crazy idea

Since I'm shutting down my blog on adultfriendfinder, I'll be blogging a little more about the swinging lifestyle here. Mountains Wanted really shows a very sanitized version of swinging, so much so that I never once use the S word in the book except when Sarah tries to explain to James her philosophy about sex and relationships and he asks, "So, what are you, like a swinger or something?"

The second book is going to go into a little more detail but I doubt I will use that label because I don't want to pigeonhole Sarah into one particular flavor of alternative lifestyle. She's also polyamorous and that is a separate thing from swinging. They can go together or not.

But enough about Sarah. I want to talk about me (and trust me, Sarah and I are NOT the same person. Similar, but not identical.)

Since becoming active in my local swinging community (and by local I mean the whole mid-Atlantic region) I have had some issues. Some people really don't like me. My friends keep telling me over and over that it's because I'm pretty and smart and confident, the latter coming off as cocky sometimes. I don't think it's really a case of me being arrogant as much as I'm secure. I know where my strengths lie and I'm not afraid to show my weaknesses. Trust me, I can give you a lengthy list of my shortcomings if you don't believe me.

Snap judgments are a pretty human thing, and in the lifestyle, they are often needed. Safety is an issue of course, but so is attraction. I can usually decide by seeing pictures or meeting someone briefly if I'm interested in getting naked with them. And you know what? I think that's okay. We all have our preferences and there's nothing wrong with being choosy about who you share your body with.

BUT, at least in my community, part of the draw is the social aspect, the opportunity to socialize with like-minded people...people who are *supposed* to be tolerant and accepting of others.

So often those snap judgments extend to deciding whether or not you like someone based on appearance or based on hearsay. I think both of these have factored into why I've probably made just as many enemies as friends through the years. And, it's too bad, because I'm in this as much to make friends as I am to get laid.

So, let me offer up this wild and crazy idea:

How about getting to know someone before you decide whether or not you like them? How about giving them a chance instead of just relying on gossip or what others say? How about acting like a grown up and making choices and decisions for yourself and giving people the benefit of the doubt?

And you know what? I'm guilty of this too. But in light of recent events, I'm pledging here and now - publicly - to do better. To be open-minded, tolerant and accepting - those attributes that should be embraced and practiced by someone in the lifestyle.

And you can hold me to that, okay?


  1. Lol, you seem to be attracting all the internet nutcases, lol A "hate fan club" is the price you pay for being popular, lol

    Riding My Own Biography
    NINJA ZX-14 MotoVlog

    1. Funny, Andrew said the same thing to me last night, that this type of behavior goes with celebrity. And I complained that I want to good parts of being a celebrity too like the MONEY! haha

      Thanks for stopping by, Kof!

  2. I think the next time we see each other, we should have a few moments to talk. I agree about snap judgements not always being good. I have done some soul searching recently and have decided to change somethings about myself.

    1. Thanks Treva, I'd be open to talking to you any time :)

  3. Well written, my friend.

  4. Well, sadly, the anonymity of the internet (he says posting as anonymous) lends people to be juvenile. There's not a ton of tempering with reality. There's too much "That's the best thing ever" or "You're horrible". Everything is the extreme one way or another. Life, however, is the vast majority of the time, in between those two points.

    Good to read you again,


  5. I never make a snap judgment over a picture although I do get a bit upset when the picture does not match the person. They must think they are meeting Helen Keller. I do, however, know within 5 or 10 minutes as to whether I want to share my body with that individual. Not a snap judgment per se but that is just how I am. And, much to their dismay, I know me best.