Monday, December 29, 2014

slut shaming, cattiness, and empowerment

I've been thinking a lot about the controversy that brewed on my Facebook profile a week or so ago. Several female erotica readers and authors were outraged that I would dare to show my body in conjunction with my writing. Strangely enough, no male readers or authors complained. As a matter of fact, they were pretty damn supportive of my exhibitionist endeavors.

It reminded me a lot of blogging on AdultFriendFinder and all the drama that ensued many moons ago. No matter what parts of my body I showed, there was always that contingent of females that had to voice complaints, either that I was fat or showing too much or whatever.

I know our society still endures many vestiges of misogyny and oppression that were created by antiquated patriarchal systems. One of the main tenets of those systems is that women who flaunt their sexuality are lesser beings than their pure and virginal sisters. As many of the other vestiges of sexism fade away, we continue to battle this paradigm of slut shaming, and I honestly believe that women perpetuate it as much or more than men.

Here's a newsflash for you: celebrating and embracing one's body does not make a person bad. Let me tell you about bad people. Bad people are selfish, rude, unkind, not generous, disloyal, manipulative, jealous and intolerant.

Posting pictures of my body on an adult site or anywhere associated with erotica is not only appropriate, but I believe is a step in the right direction for shaming the Slut Shamers. Why? Because it's not just about my body. Like someone pointed out to me recently: I'm not only an exhibitionist of my body, but also of my mind. I don't just post pictures. I post thoughts, feelings, poetry, observations, philosophical ramblings, and god knows what else in conjunction with the photos.

It boils down to this: we must stop thinking of people, men or women, as one dimensional. We are not just our bodies or our minds. We are not just breasts, a penis, or a brain. We are complex organisms with rich and diverse strengths and weaknesses. I am an erotica writer with ample curves, a sharp mind, and the ability to paint pictures with words. I believe my blog, my Facebook page, and my Twitter account are all representative of that. It doesn't have to be that I'm either a Slut or a Serious Writer. I am both. And I embrace both roles.

So let me make a suggestion to women: stop the cattiness. Stop the slut shaming. Empower your sisters and support their choices to be whomever they want to be. You may not like to show off your body, but other women do and their choice does not impact you. Just because a behavior or a choice is not right for you doesn't make it wrong for someone else. Celebrate each others' strengths and tolerate each others' weaknesses.

My fiance and I have an Italian phrase written on our living room wall: "L'unione fa la forza." It means "In unity, there is strength." Stand in solidarity, ladies, because that is simply the best way to fight misogyny and sexism.

3 comments:

  1. Good post. Leave the shaming to the bad people who do hurtful, cruel things.

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    1. Exactly. Like I said on my facebook page after all the drama last week, there are so many things more worthy of protest than an erotica writer showing racy pictures. Maybe start with violence, poverty, injustice, inequality, etc. Just for starters!

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  2. While wrong the psychology behind insulting and judgmental actions is fascinating.

    One is the catty and competitive nature of being. This is a result of poor upbringing or personal insecurity. Lashing out because they feel threatened or need a means of feeling better about themselves.

    Another is personal definition. Often people dislike that which they dislike having in themselves, or deny being anything like that.

    Insecurity and closed mindedness are major factors. As such you should feel pity for these people. They are poor in the lessons that you have had that make you comfortable with yourself. Deflect their brutish criticism knowing it is simply their sickness they wish to spread, challenge them to actual polite and mature discussion.

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