Wednesday, July 17, 2013

on timing and coffee

I just tweeted this:

"2.5 years ago I met the man of my dreams. I'm still waiting for those dreams to come true."

On January 17, 2011, I agreed to have coffee with a guy I had been chatting with online for about 2 months. He was the right age, within the right distant parameters, into what I was looking for, and he was handsome and smart. He sounded like the ideal friend with benefits to me.

Unfortunately, he was.

I say unfortunately because I was married and because I don't think I was really looking for a "friend with benefits." I think I wanted to be in love. I wanted to feel the passion, intensity and connection that I wasn't feeling elsewhere. And so I did with this man.

I think if I'd been single and he'd been ready we might have run off together into the sunset and lived happily ever after. But, alas, I was not single and he was not ready. I didn't know it at the time but his fiancee had just dumped him and he was licking his wounds.

2.5 years later now that I'm finally going to be officially single, he's licking newly reopened wounds, a long story that I'm not at liberty to discuss. Our timing sucks.

Remember in Mountains Wanted when Sarah says she's come so far and fought so hard? I feel like that. But it's just a dream and we don't get to choose what we dream about. And we don't get to choose which dreams come to fruition.

I think he will always be a dream.


  1. But you're still with him so all can't be lost.

    1. Nothing is lost. I've learned so much and gained so much from the relationship. Even if I were never to see him again after today, I'd have no regrets.