Monday, July 15, 2013

this is why I am single (a snarky top ten list)

This has nothing to do with my writing, by the way, so be forewarned. I don't have my "other" blog as an outlet anymore so now you get to hear me rant about what it's like to be an almost-divorced, late 30-something mom who has an abnormally high sex drive.

First off, a background. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband of nearly 20 years (yes I got married young. Yes we grew apart. We're still quite amicable.) I also have a partner/lover of 2.5 years who has no intention of ever committing to me or marrying me. So all of that right there means I come with baggage. I get that. Totally.

I've mentioned dating and adult sites that I am on and some of the issues I've encountered there. But it's not all the fault of the sites or even the men on them. I'm owning up to my part in my failure to hook a nice chunk of manmeat who wants to settle down with me.

So keeping all of that in mind, here is my Top Ten Reasons I'm Still Single

10. I just can't date a guy with a mustache. It's a dealbreaker.

9. I can't date someone who cannot even string together one coherent English sentence in the first email. That eliminates more than half of the men who email me right there.

8. I'm not ageist per se but if you *look* over 50, I'm probably not going to be attracted to you.

7. I talk about my books. A lot. And my blog, and my twitter, and my facebook. I like to read and write. Apparently this is a turn off to some men.

6. I'm no spring chicken. Yeah, I'm almost 40. Bite me.

5. I've completely called the whole thing off just because the first kiss felt like I was being tongue-raped. Not cool.

4. Not only do I have three kids but I have the stretch marks to prove it.

3. Going along with #4, I am not skinny. I'm a big girl although I'm in decent shape and well-proportioned. That said I'm kinda picky about the men I find attractive, as I'm not into guys at the really thin or really big ends of the spectrum.

2. I've been told this makes me incredibly shallow, but I can't get into guys who aren't at least an inch taller than me. I'm 5'7" and it seems like there are a hell of a lot of short dudes out there.

1. I'm not into monogamy. And that's a deal breaker for most.

So in sum: I'm picky, shallow, and narcissistic. And I want to sleep around.


  1. Man you really do sound, what are we talking and how is life treating yo? :))

    There is nothing wrong with being picky. Its your life.

    1. Well, it's fine as long as you don't actually expect to meet anyone :P

  2. I can relate, especially to coming with baggage... the age thing, both relating to myself, and the men I find attractive. And as for sleeping around... hell, i'd be more than happy with the same person, at least for now... *IF* they fucking ever wanted to have sex! at least you get sex, and a fair amount of it!

    1. Katie - well I am lucky in that my lover indulges me pretty regularly. However his drive is still nowhere near as high as mine as he has his own issues. Still, we have a pretty good sex life after 2.5 years so for that I feel lucky. We're still learning new things, like creative uses for aloe vera ;) haha

  3. maybe if lovers or hubbys or fwbs were more in tune with you and felt no secrets....I know me if I feel theres something being held back....makes it hard...btw you are awesome...ive got some reading to do...thnx....bmd