Monday, October 27, 2014

take care of myself? what does that even mean?

So, I know I'm engaged and all, but I'm still keeping tabs on my dating site profile. Partially for the warm glow I get from all the flattering messages, and partially for the unparalleled free entertainment. Where else can I get a barrage of messages that range from "u r hott" to "Hi! I'd like to have sex with you!" to "I am saddened to have been circumcised?"

(I'm not even kidding, by the way. Those are all *first* messages I've received in the past few days.)

In any case, online dating will play a big role in my next novel Fat Girl, so I figure it behooves me to at least sit on the sidelines and observe the game. I rarely answer any messages, and my profile states I'm engaged and simply searching for friends. I look at a lot of men's profiles to get an idea of what they're searching for too. Solely for research purposes, of course!

Lately, I've been seeing the following euphemism to express desire for slim, athletic or fit women: "I want a woman who takes care of herself." I am not sure how I know that's what they really mean, but it's obvious to me that it is. Do you get that impression too? Have you seen this phenomenon?

I want a woman who takes care of herself.

Because a woman carrying some extra pounds clearly doesn't take care of herself, right? She probably stuffs her face with disgusting fat and sugar-laden chemically processed junk all the time, chain-smokes, and never moves her fat ass off the couch. She probably doesn't shower. Or wash her hair. Or clip her toenails. She probably wears dirty clothes and her waj undoubtedly reeks.

Yeah, well, fuck that shit.

I may weigh over 200 pounds, but I eat a vegan diet and go to the gym several times a week. I have no chronic health issues. I don't take any medications regularly. My blood pressure is perfect as is my blood sugar and cholesterol. I'm well-groomed 99% of the time and even match my bra and panties to my outfits. I smell good too, dammit.

But I have a feeling if I contacted one of the men who wants a woman 'who takes care of herself," I would not be their cup of tea.

And you know what? Speaking of euphemisms, I like to say "I took care of myself" when I really mean that I masturbated. So if that's what these guys mean by a woman who takes care of herself, I most certainly fit the bill.

How about you?


  1. I think, for me at least, that a woman who takes care of herself is someone who takes care of her health and how she presents herself. To me there is little more attractive than a well groomed and dressed, put together you might say, woman. I may be different than a lot of guys but I think my view is more realistic.

    1. Thanks for comment. I think that is a fine definition, but I don't think that's what most of the men mean when they use this phrase. I just wonder how that subtext came to be because I know I'm not the only one who interprets it that way.