Monday, September 29, 2014

I would have settled for just one promise

There's a blog post written by a Christian pastor making the rounds on the intrawebz this week. Read here: In it, he makes four promises about what he'll do if he finds out either of his children are gay.

1. He promises not to keep it a secret or to share it in whispers like it's some sort of disease.

2. He promises to pray for them - and NOT that they will be miraculously turned straight, but to pray for them to be accepted and loved for who they are and with no regard to their sexual orientation.

3. He promises to love them, and not in a distant hands-off sort of way, but in a relentless, unapologetic, lavish way, not in spite or because of their sexuality but simply because they are his children.

4. He promises to remember that they didn't "turn" gay, that if that is their orientation, they are gay right now and they are currently just smaller versions of the adults they will someday be.

I broke down crying while reading this.

Many of you know that my family has ostracized me after learning I am polyamorous and write erotica. Many of you also know that my parents are conservative, fundamentalist Christians and my father just retired from his ministry at the church I grew up in.

It's been about six weeks now since I sent my mom an email outlining the reasons I don't feel comfortable coming to visit them anymore, not the least of which is that my brother outright disowned me, as did my sister, and no one seemed to think that was a problem or that they acted poorly toward me (my brother called me a selfish bitch and accused me of abandoning my children when I separated from their father, from whom I am now divorced.) I wrote my mom this email telling her how sad I was that I couldn't be loved and accepted as I am by my family. And how sad I was that they enabled my siblings to treat me with such hate and disrespect, especially over something that has absolutely nothing to do with them.

But there are crickets chirping in my inbox. My mother never replied. In the meantime, she sends my kids cards to their father's address on occasion and posts every once in awhile on their bacefook walls. But she has no words for me, her firstborn, when once she promised me she would love me unconditionally.

It hurts so bad to think I'm not important enough for her to want to work through this. To have the tough discussions and figure out where we can go from here, what common ground we can build on. I would have loved to have just one of these promises this incredible pastor made publicly to his children, just one. But instead, there's only silence.

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