Thursday, January 31, 2013

on parenting, priorities, and minding your own business

You know what?

There's no magical switch to turn off your sex drive once you become a mother. Sure there are many aspects of parenting that can dull the libido, but those urges are still there, even if they're buried under diapers or laundry.

I wrote a post over on my other blog today in which I talked about having sex in my house while my children were asleep. The details are not really important.  One of the commenters basically called me a selfish whore, in not so many words.

The point is that just because you have a child does not mean that you no longer have sex. Otherwise no child would ever have a sibling, right?

It's interesting, I explore this theme quite a bit in Mountains Wanted, in which the protagonist feels caught between her roles as sex goddess and devoted mother. She talks a little about guilt and feeling selfish for spending time with her lover instead of her children. But she also strives to balance the two roles, along with her third role as professor.

That's really what it's about, right? Balance. I'm a mother first, then I am a librarian/writer, and then I am a friend/lover. I have to make time for my kids, my work, and my social life. Sure, there may be weeks where the balance may swing disproportionately toward one facet of my life, but for the most part I am able to do all three, and I don't allow myself to feel guilty for indulging the social butterfly within me.

I don't feel that I have ever wrongly prioritized someone or something ahead of my kids. I have always made sure my kids were safe, secure, and cared for whether I was engaged in professional or social activities. My kids are well-adjusted good students, and have never been behavior problems at home or school. They follow directions, they have friends, they get along with others well. They know they are loved.

They also know that I have a life outside them. And I encourage them to have a life outside of me, a freedom I was never afforded as a young woman.  I remember my mother telling me that "everything I did was her business" when I was 14 or 15 years old.  I would actually argue that I am a *better* mother because I make time to have a social life. So to that commenter, I ask if he (yes, it was a man) has ever heard the expression: "If mama ain't happy, NOBODY's happy!"


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  2. My son is my priority but I need an identity that isn't just Mom...ALL mothers need that

    1. Exactly. I also think it's dangerous to let children think the world revolves around them.

  3. It always amazes me how many judgemental people on that site, especially married folks looking for something on the side. Who the hell are they to tell a person what to do in their own home? Does this mean that once a person have children is forbidden from having sex in the privacy of their own bedroom? Are they going to stop having sex at home just because their own children are living with them? Simply ridiculous. Lol I would simply ban their ass and not even respond to their assinine comment.

    Riding My Own Biography
    NINJA ZX-14 MotoVlog

    1. I kind of like letting the moronic comments stand. It reflects more poorly on the commenter than it does on me! :)