Thursday, August 22, 2013

having sex does not make you a bad parent

Oh the irony!

The very thing that precipitates having children has been one of the things about which I've been ridiculed the most.

Someone made a comment to me yesterday about Sarah not being a model parent because she left her children occasionally so she could go on a date (and presumably have sex.)

Oy vey.

Let me ask a couple of questions:
Do you think it's acceptable to have sex with the father of your children? After you have children, do you sew your vagina shut? Do you lop off your penis, never to be used again?
Are you really expected never to enjoy sex again? 

I'm guessing that I know your answers to these questions, and you're not really as prudish and unreasonable as you may appear for judging Sarah. I think Sarah is an amazing mother, actually. I think the fact that she enjoys a healthy and active sex life makes her a *better* mother. She knows when to focus on her children and she knows when to focus on herself. And there is NOTHING wrong with a mother taking time for herself.

First off, if she leaves her children to have adult time, it's usually either with her mother or best friend. Secondly, her daughter is a teenager. She is perfectly capable of spending some time in the house alone. I have a 16 year old whom I leave at home with his brothers on occasion. *gasp* Yes! My sex life is very much like Sarah's except that I don't have any family here to watch my kids so they are either alone or with their father. (I will add that I never leave them alone overnight.)

Does that make me a bad mother?

You know, I think especially women judge each others' parenting skills much too harshly. I know I have said some critical things about my friends' parenting skills that was probably none of my business. Why do we always think the way we do things is the best?

What is the ultimate indication of good parenting? Is it the children themselves? I ask because mine are all straight A students, well-behaved nerdy kids who would rather watch the Discovery or History channels than do anything else except maybe play video games. I mean they are seriously nerdy but awesome kids. On the other hand, I know some excellent parents whose kids have some troubles from time to time, school problems or behavior problems or whatever. Does that mean, in fact, their parenting is not good?

It's not really for any of us to decide, is it? I know it may be hard to understand my lifestyle or Sarah's because it may be different than your own lifestyle, but let's remember that different is not lesser or worse. It's simply...different.


  1. After you become a mother, you don't stop being a woman. Sex is part of life, whether you're married or not. I'm assuming the reader would have had no problem with Sarah having sex with her husband, so what is the big deal if she has someone watching her kids for her so she can go out for some well-deserved adult time?

    Good post :)

  2. Good post. Read much of the relationship material out there and you quickly see that one ofnthe best ways is to make time for couple. In thisncase sarah needs self time.

    As the antecedent to good we can evaluate the Matins (I.e. Travon). Kid runs loose and wild and parents make excuses for them. Bad parenting is when the parent makes excuses and blames others.

  3. Some folks should simply mind their own business.

    God of War Diaries